Pangs of Loneliness....

To all my regular anonymous readers who do not bother to leave a comment once they've read my amazing blog.. hello. I didnt think it was possible but somehow i have managed to reach a new low in my life. I am feeling as miserable as the Pope witnessing a gay parade ; or a doctor fighting to save the life of an accident victim only to watch him die as the last breath meanders through his lungs and out of his body. Maybe its because i get that feeling of guilt... that feeling where i end up thinking that I and only I was responsible for whatever i have brought upon me. That I had wasted the four years of my college life trying to be somebody I never wanted to be...or maybe its because in a semesters' time i would be starting a new phase of my life.. One where I learn to be more responsible, like in the movies.. or maybe that phase has already begun.. well i guess the only consensus i could arrive at,  with myself, is that I am confused..

     There is still a semester left for farewell, but i already start thinking about what I am going to do all alone, in the world after college. If there was one thing i liked about my college, it was that it made me a fighter.. Taught me the difference between 'friend' and 'acquaintance'.. and made me realize that there is an invisible boundary drawn around every person that comes with a sign board saying "get off my property".. that You cannot be vulnerable to people like u are with your friends.. and the list goes on.......

     But if there is one thing that i feel really sad about, it is because now there is a difference.. while most of my schoolmates made the best of these four years, others like me were dumbasses who were old school...played by the old rules... and didn realize it till they could see friends who they knew from way back, excelling in everything they were doing.. and rise higher and higher than they could possibly imagine..Its a sick feeling this one... the feeling that you are all alone in a world where you are invisible...and the thought that it might be this way forever... the end.

reynolds jetter